The Society’s Repository
By Julia Osborn
Peace on Earth
Good Will to Men.
Spelling and capitalization have been recorded as in the original transcript.
We present our readers this evening with the initial number of the Society’s Repository hoping from an acquaintance with the people of this vicinity, that it may prove of great value to them.
We promise nothing more for the Repository than to use our highest talents to promote the welfare, stimulate the energy and strengthen the intellect of our Patrons.
Going to Market
Not long after pounding over the subject of writing a paper and wondering if such a thing could be done on a three days notice. This wonderful thought happened to strike me. Perhaps I can find that essay grinder or machine that – Editors have to fill the columns of their papers for them if go to market. Well suffice to say, I rushed down Main St. across the Park, and to market I went with my mind intent on finding and purchasing, that kind of a machine, if there was one to be found, for I thought I had ground long enough on my over taxed brain without accomplishing anything. But when I really got into the busy, bustling crowd, that was hurrying to and fro, each one intent on minding his or her own business. I almost forgot what I had started out after.
There were so many people whirling and buzzing past And O! such a world of things to attract attention. I saw spacious old farm wagons, loaded with apples, potatoes, squashes, turnips, and large golden pumpkins. Poultry of all kinds, from “the owl or bald faced turkey as the irishman called him, to the latest spring chicken, jewelry of every description, from glittering diamonds to the beautiful burnished brass ring made from a cent. Within the shop windows stood glowing viands of savory meat, boquets, and every you could think of either, useful, ornamental, or funny, from an extra pattented milking stool to a jumping jack and ever and anon. My eyes would feast on a window full of bolognas, from whence proceeded the stimulating odor of garlics. I met men with large hands and hearts, men with soft hands and brain of the same material, if we might judge anything of him by the cut of his coat or the style of his hat.
Ladies with airy bonnets, and flaunting robes, arms and hands, bedecked with jewels, and in short, ladies of fashion and ladies of sense, alike hurried along over the pavement. There were but few that I recognized but as I slowly wended my way through this motley throng. I was rudely pushed aside by one. whom I recognized as an old friend of mine. He seems beside himself with joy, so said I, hallo, what’s the matter, you act like a lunatic. O: matter enough said he. I have just bought my wife a new bonnet. and I can’t stop to talk for I am in a great hurry to get home with it, before the fashion changes, and on he rushed with all his might and main to make up for the time he had lost. As I went on, who should I meet but poor, dear, old Aunt Polly Schnider with a goose on one arm, and a duck of a baby on the other. She greeted me with the warmest cordiality, and told me all about her sweet little hopeful, her troubles and trials, Jacob and her new barrel of sour crout. But the moments were pressing, I went on looking at everything and everyone, and everyone seemed to be looking at me. But never mind. I didn’t know then what was the matter, some stared at me with grave faces, some smiled, some I actually caught laughing out right. But that did not bring me any nearer to the object of my search. At last I sided up to an old woman who was retailing out buttermilk with great energy and asked with trembling voice and stammering tongue if she could direct me to the place where they ground pieces of paper. O: Faith and sure I came over yonder (said she) pointing in an easterly direction, just behind that man with a shawl on. I started in that direction. O: How sweet the hum of those wheels sounded. It was as sweet as the song of the nightingale borne on the zephyrs of evening. But alas! ere I reached it I discovered to be a paper mill. There was no alternative. I must ask some one else about it. I stepped up to a little black eyed apple woman and again inquired for the required machine. She directed me to a little room up one flight of stairs in the market house. Ah! look! behold! here is the wonderful machine at last. I gazed with awe at its wonderful library of little books, many not containing more than two leaves. And on looking them over I found many on the same subject and varied only in a few words, but covered with a different binding, as there were many others there, for the same purpose that I was. I heard all the windings of the machine explained to my infinite satisfaction.
There were thousands of little screws, wheels, and cranks that had to be oiled with a different kind of brain every time it was used, unless to republish the same story. But what seemed most strange. It had a different story verying in length and quality according to the amount and kind of brain oil used. At last I seized the crank to see what I could do. A horrid long ghost story tumbling out which so frightened me that I clapped my hands on my head to see where my frizes were, and behold! I had my night cap on, which frightened me, still worse, I took one long leap down stairs and landed. I got up opened my eyes and stared in vacancy at the wall for I found I had only jumped out of bed, and the wonderful machine had vanished.
How to grow more beautiful
The way the world moves now a days leads me to think that many measure the beauty of others, by the beautiful things they wear, and the amount of dollars and cents they posses. Many young ladies seem to be perfectly satisfied with themselves and think themselves models of perfection if they can do nothing, but say little nothings, keep a pleasant countenance in company, wear fine dresses and make a good many superfluous maneuvers on the piano and elsewhere when they can show themselves to any advantage, and I am not quite sure but they have pretty good reasons for being satisfied too, if they only deign to please the people, for dress and etiquette go a great way in establishing their reputation until they are thoroughly found out. I know some people today, who move in the good society, and in that society are called courteous and stylish, but at home when no one is there to witness their conduct they play the tyrant over the rest of the household. But I can not say they are beautiful or even pretty though Dame Nature has been much kinder to them, than to many others.
But now let us answer this question for our selves if we can. How are we poor, homily, erring mortals to grow more beautiful? We can not change our irregular features, oh no! How then can we grow beautiful, some are akward, some rude, some are deficient in one thing, some in another, “None are perfect no not one, But all may be beautiful. I believe there is remedy for every deficiency. First our bodies ought not to trouble us as much as they do, if they are not just as we would like to have them. They are not worth half as much as the Souls within them, that needs the care we so lavishly put on the out side. God has given us each a soul precious, and, immortal, a little speck of his own life, and has placed it in a casket of most curious workmanship, which we are in duty bound to take care of and try to preserve until it has accomplished the end for which it was made. This we have a right to adorn neatly and tastefully but not extravagantly. This casket is so curiously formed that an experienced eye, by a single glance at it, can tell wheather the priceless gem within it has been well kept or not. It needs much polishing and when polished continually, as it ought to be, it will shine with an uncomparable glory. But when not properly cared for it becomes lusterless, and grows darker and darker, as its life wears away. Sometimes it grows so dark with wicked thoughts and foul deeds that it is truly fearful to behold.
Every harsh word, every unkind look or act, every impure thought dims its brightness. While every kind word, every hallowed act, every time a cross is borne or self denied, a pure thought, or noble impulse carried into execution will give it one more polish, and it becomes brighter and brighter. There is only one way in which we can polish it to render its brightness pure and that is through the blood of Christ. This alone can prompt us to do right always and every where. Then the only way to grow beautiful is to commune daily and hourly, with our great master, and to strive earnestly to do his will, then we will grow more and more beautiful until the end of life. He will then take us to himself when we shall be perfected.
Improvement of the Mind
Wisdom is more precious than gold, Then strive to obtain it, let not one precious moment pass unimproved, not merely in speculating about what your neighbor may be doing or is going to do but that which lends to elevate and ennoble mankind. Behold the beauties of Nature in all their varied forms and learn wisdom, just for one moment (dont spend much time) look about your and contemplate the vast amount of time consumed in idle speculation upon flouting gossip, somebody has said something and somebody else has told it and it hasnt lost a word a principle of some particular science would require hours of deep study, but the worthless fictitious productions found in almost every household and eagerly devoured by a majority of readers are indelible. The imprefections are vivid and lasting. How seldom within the limits of our acquaintance do we hear a subject introduced having for the object mental improvement, on the contrary the topic of conversation consists in overhauling every member of society and assigning them to their places this one la! We cant associate with him or her becuse perchance their great grandfather was a dutchman or may have done something not just right or was not educated, it would be disgraceful if your neighbor makes one misstep sink him put your foot on his neck and hold him down if some misunderstanding arises do not go and inquire into it and seek an amicable adjustment but pass it around; there are plenty who will roll it as a sweet morsel under their tongue. Pretended friends are all right so long as you coincide with their particular views, but when you dare to maintain an independent straight forward course doing as you would be done by the woe to you, a storm has arisen.
An erring friend,
He who does his best, how ever little, is always to be distinguished from him who does nothing.
Justice Saddler is ready at any time between the hours of 12 oclock A.M. and 12 P.M. to make out deeds, warrents, licenses or perform marriage cerimonies on short notice. Office, No. 10, Lake Street
Lost, Lost, Between the Lake Shore Seminary and, Rose Hill a jack knife. without blade ribbed or handle. The liberal reward of a kiss will be given to the finder if left at my premises. M.J. Cahoon
Wanted immediately. A good stiring partner with a few brains for capital. H.P.Foote
Wanted At the premises of R. Edison two good dogs to keep the Coons off.
Men Wanted, Three good brother-in-laws. L.J. Cahoon
Girl Wanted I would like to adopt immediately a girl about thirty years of age. For further particulars address. Chauncy Stevens
Ancedotes & Fun
Leverett said the first time Miss Edson ever kissed him, he felt like a big tub of roses, swimming in honey, cologne, nutmegs, and chicker berries. He also felt as if something was running through his nerves on feet of diamonds, escorted by several little cupids, in chariots, drawn by angles, shaded by honey suckles, the withal spread by melted rainbows, Jemima: What power there is in a kiss.
Why do some people always make you think of monthly roses? Because they are all the time a blowing.
What great danger is Emma Lilly in? In danger of being pelted.
Why do young ladies whiten their faces? Because they think the powder will make them go off.
A Chapter of Blessedness
- Blessed is he who does not make a six pence. For he will have no income tax to pay.
- Blessed is the baldheaded man. For his wife cannot pull his hair.
- Blessed is the homely man. For the girls will not molest him. Yea thrice blessed is her. For when he asketh a lady to dance. She shall answer him saying; I am engaged for the next set.
- Blessed are they who are ignorant; For they are happy in thinking they know everything.
- Blessed is he who polisheth his boots, and not his morals: who maketh the outside of head to shine. But neglect the inside thereof. For many shall rise up with smiles, at his coming and call him.
- Blessed is the man who hath no brain. But brass in abundance. For he shall be called the ladies favorite.
- Blessed is the man who givith many and costly gifts to young ladies. For great shall be his reward. (In a horn)
- Blessed are they that are fat; for they shall be jolly and good natured: and poverty cant make them poor.
- Blessed is the man who is always flat broke. For no man saith unto him lend me five dollars.
A Chapter on Blessedness (Society’s Repository) 2011.01.35